new year, new attitude, new normal

over the past week or so i've found two quotes that i just love.

"happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

"rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine."

my new year's resolutions were to be an all around better person, mother and wife. to be more positive and to definately treat others the way i want to be treated (not judging people so quickly.)

i get the oppotunity to practice all but one of these.

over the past year i've been in a fight for my "life". or, my life as i knew it. sadly, i lost that battle.

rett and i have separated and will file for divorce soon. there. i said it. it's out there.

this is NOT my decision. but, sometimes two people just can't live together anymore. most of the time it's caused by one of those two people. i'm not laying all blame on rett. i know i messed up too. however, this is his decision, not mine.

i'm using this as a learning experience and a chance to show olivia that i'm strong and can stand up for myself. i hope to God she NEVER has to experience this. but, if anything good can come out of it then i pray she knows that both of her parents love her more than she could ever understand.

i will be ok. olivia will be ok. this is our new normal. a new normal for a new year. and a new attitude to go along with it. i'm promising olivia that i won't dwell on the bad. that i'll always try to see a silver lining. this is hard for me b/c i'm a "realist". everyone i know would call me a pessimist but i think it's just being real. i don't sugarcoat anything for anyone. and, to be honest, i don't expect anyone to do that for me. but, from here on out i will try to find the positive inside the bad.


the past few days i've felt a strange peace about our new life. don't get me wrong. i'm not at peace with the divorce. i'm not sure if i ever will be. but, i'm at peace with how we will proceed. we (olivia and i) will be stronger for having gone through it. our hearts are broken and will be for a long while. but, our lives are full of anticipation for good times. we have many years ahead of us that will be filled with great times and big laughs with many friends. she is the most important person in my life now and i'll do whatever i have to to make sure she's happy.


please say a special prayer for us that i continue to feel this "peace"; that God will show me how to best to deal with this; and for all of the decisions that will need to be made here shortly. we've got a long road to hoe.