Sunday, January 17, 2010

new year, new attitude, new normal

over the past week or so i've found two quotes that i just love.

"happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

"rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine."

my new year's resolutions were to be an all around better person, mother and wife. to be more positive and to definately treat others the way i want to be treated (not judging people so quickly.)

i get the oppotunity to practice all but one of these.

over the past year i've been in a fight for my "life". or, my life as i knew it. sadly, i lost that battle.

rett and i have separated and will file for divorce soon. there. i said it. it's out there.

this is NOT my decision. but, sometimes two people just can't live together anymore. most of the time it's caused by one of those two people. i'm not laying all blame on rett. i know i messed up too. however, this is his decision, not mine.

i'm using this as a learning experience and a chance to show olivia that i'm strong and can stand up for myself. i hope to God she NEVER has to experience this. but, if anything good can come out of it then i pray she knows that both of her parents love her more than she could ever understand.

i will be ok. olivia will be ok. this is our new normal. a new normal for a new year. and a new attitude to go along with it. i'm promising olivia that i won't dwell on the bad. that i'll always try to see a silver lining. this is hard for me b/c i'm a "realist". everyone i know would call me a pessimist but i think it's just being real. i don't sugarcoat anything for anyone. and, to be honest, i don't expect anyone to do that for me. but, from here on out i will try to find the positive inside the bad.

the past few days i've felt a strange peace about our new life. don't get me wrong. i'm not at peace with the divorce. i'm not sure if i ever will be. but, i'm at peace with how we will proceed. we (olivia and i) will be stronger for having gone through it. our hearts are broken and will be for a long while. but, our lives are full of anticipation for good times. we have many years ahead of us that will be filled with great times and big laughs with many friends. she is the most important person in my life now and i'll do whatever i have to to make sure she's happy.

please say a special prayer for us that i continue to feel this "peace"; that God will show me how to best to deal with this; and for all of the decisions that will need to be made here shortly. we've got a long road to hoe.


  1. I will be praying for yall. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

  2. Jessie,
    My heart is hurting for you and your family. Please know that I will praying for you and Olivia, specifically for strength and peace that only God can provide.

  3. I'll be praying for ya'll as well!

  4. Jessie,

    I am in shock as I did not know you were having problems. Also, I feel bad that I was not there to offer any help to you. I will pray for God's will to be done in each of your lives. I am so sorry.

  5. Jess- Love you & O! You are probably tired of hearing me say this, but I really am proud of the way you are handling yourself through all of this... You are so strong & Olivia will recognize that when she is older! Hang in there! All of your friends are going to help pull you through this. Love you & see you soon! :-)

  6. I'll be praying for you, Jessie. If you ever feel the need to get away for a weekend, there is always an open door in Houston.

  7. Oh goodness Jessie. I had no idea. I am praying for you 3.

  8. Jessie,
    I am so sorry to hear about this. No matter how much time it has been since we have seen each other or how many miles we are apart, I will be there for you. Just let me know if you need anything. Even an ear to listen. Girl call me sometime when you have a chance. I would love to hear from you.

  9. After looking through your FB, it stood out to me that Rett wasn't mentioned and didn't show up in any pictures. And you said in your FB post "my" a/c went out. So I went hunting for this post in your blog, oh so hopeful that it wasn't here. What an awful thing divorce is. I'm so sorry for you both and Olivia too. I wish it wasn't this way for any of you!